Shared Agony

I woke this AM, with a call from my dear friend Kathy. We talked about everything and more :0 ) Times with Kathy are like that, she has the wonderful ability to draw out of my heart the things I need to verbally process, then help me to see them. She asked me how I was doing, and I burst into tears.....this is such a hard season. The pain, fear and anxiety of these people I now call my own, breaking my heart as I listen to their stories, hold and cherish tears, and provide a place in my arms for them to rest.....and at the end of the day....I am tired. Sometimes the tears come, healing and refreshing to release the pent up emotion of the day.

Yet the other side of this journey, is the incredible unbelievable reality that God in His infinite wisdom has given me an opportunity to walk with Him among these people at this time. I tremble with awe that He would open the door for me to walk with Him....and until today, not understanding the awe and agony that are walking hand in hand in my heart. Then Kathy shared these verses: Matthew 26:38-40 "Then He said to them. "My soul is sorrowful even to death. Remain here and keep watch with me." He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying "My Father, if it is possible let this cup pass from me, yet not as I will, but as you will">

The last two weeks my discipline has been petition.....and I have been learning again to a deeper level the "thine will not mine"....Today, Kathy shared with me, the place of sharing the agony of Gethsemane, His soul is sorrowful, even to death, keep watch with me....that is what this season is....HE is sorrowful about all the pain and agony the people are suffering.....My choice to remain with HIM, KEEP watch WITH HIM.....not turn my head from the pain and suffering of others, but to remain with HIM....I can't articulate the deepest truth of my soul this night....this I know

I WANT TO STAY AWAKE....STAY WITH HIM....WATCH WITH HIM....AND BE WITH HIM AS HE BRINGS HIS LOVE AND COMFORT TO HIS PEOPLE... O my dear sweet Jesus, give me grace, courage and strength.